we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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