I smell stomach acid.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the condom got lost in my hair
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
