I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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