im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
