Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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