Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
