But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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