God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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