I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
