Soap is not a condiment
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
