Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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