The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize