quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
