Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
