She said her name was "party"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
