my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
