A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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