So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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