You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
