Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize