So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
