My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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