This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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