Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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