You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
