what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
