I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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