I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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