I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize