I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize