i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
