Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize