I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
