8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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