my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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