He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize