i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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