Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
