speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
