Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
