A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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