so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
