I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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