margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
