I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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