Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
