Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
