How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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