I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
