apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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