end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
