Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
