another moral hangover. fuck.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
