I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize