K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think I sprained my soul last night
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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