You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
When did angry sex become our thing?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
