you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize