Having a random hookup so left but love u
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
