cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize