Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
