She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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