thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize