I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
