This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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