Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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