I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
