I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
