You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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