So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
