your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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