I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
