Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
