I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
