It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
