dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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