i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
