so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
