we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize