Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
