Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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