If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
