Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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