One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize